Shoot
by MercuryMoon
Summary: A songfic featuring Envy and his last battle with Ed not related to the battle in the show.


It's been a while since I've submitted an actual piece of writing. Anyway, this was written sometime last year around this time. The song is _Shoot_****from Gundam Seed and is something I translated by myself.

Hopelessness is a strong feeling, isn't it?

_Disclaimer: Envy, Ed, and the song 'Shoot' all belong to their respective owners. _**  
**

**Shoot**

Sometimes I feel as if I'm in a dream, floating through an endless void of shadows and encased in a cocoon woven by Time. Light sparkles around me, but when I try to reach for them, they take flight and leave me in darkness.

I am Envy, one of the Seven Sins, and the first Homunculus created. Transformation is my skill, and I steal what I can't have. The entire world is there for my taking, and I take what I want. Nothing is out of my grasp except the things I desire most.

They despise me for what I've become. I even despise myself because I know am not capable of going back to how I was before. Not to the carefree boy I once was three hundred years ago before all this happened.

What dreams did I used to have then? I can't remember now because of how long it's been. Everything that was torn away will never be returned to me. And maybe it's better that way, because then I can remain single-minded and forget why I exist.

It's a pity, isn't it? We lose everything because of a single sin. The sin of being wanted enough to be revived.

_In the distant place, the starlight sparkles.  
Quickly throwing the pieces of a dream away  
And trying to catch them in your hand will hurt._

Some wonder why I fight. I don't even know sometimes. There is however, something that drives me to. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's hatred, or maybe it's even longing. It'll probably never be clear to me, and I don't know if I want to know. To fight is the only thing I know. To stop would be the end of everything I know and have been raised to do.

Fighting with the Full Metal boy, wanting to kill him because of his father.. Why do I do that? It feels as if the urge to harm someone is the only thing that fills me, makes me want to actually live.

_We have those days when we only fight.  
There's nothing we can talk about because of that.  
The strength of the lonely fist is what I believe in._

I hate him. I hate him for having everything while I nothing. A brother who cares deeply for him and is willing to risk anything for his safety? That's something I don't have. Whenever I see him though, a thought always lingers in my mind.

What if I had been him? What if my cursed father hadn't abandoned me?

But then I remember that his father had also left him, and the hatred drains away. What a stupid father we have, my two half-brothers and me, leaving us whenever he pleases.

A connection is formed between the Full Metal boy and me, and a flame is lit.

_Even hatred will change into power.  
Back to back, deep emotion,  
Coming closer, as we almost pass by,  
Our eyes meet to go to the future._

Hope. No matter how much I try to keep that little flame burning deep inside me, it always flickers out. Running is all I can do to keep it alive, but how long can I run? And when there's nowhere else to run, where would I flee to?

When I fall on my knees, there's no one there to pick me up. There is nothing to look up to as I go. I am all alone in this world.

Lights twinkle around me again, and a slight smile spreads over my face. A real one, not the mocking smirk I usually have. I won't reach for it, not this time. I won't let my hopes rise only to see them crash again. Instead I will simply watch. Watch the light shine strongly and pray that it does not affect my judgment too much.

In order to survive in this world, I must be indifferent.

_Shoot for the future still shining to this place.  
In order to survive, we speed up.  
As I accelerate,  
I hope to protect the shining light I see next to me._

If I fell off the face of this planet, would anyone miss me?

Would you? Even though I've done so much to you? Would you be able to forgive me for the pain I've caused you? It's a lot, I know. If I were you, I probably wouldn't be able to. But then again, who could forgive someone as despicable as me?

For some time now, I've tried to understand you. The love you have for your brother, your insistence at the truths of equivalent trade. I always scoffed at your childish theories, but wondered deep down if they were true or not.

But I looked at myself and knew the answer to be no.

Oh, if only you knew how hard the world could hit you sometimes and not even pay you back. But you already knew, didn't you? The death of your mother and what happened to your brother and you after?

Unlike me however, the suffering you underwent only made you stronger. How I wish I were able to do that. All that was on my mind back then was the fresh pain of betrayal. The pain of being abandoned by the one person I had thought would always stay by me.

_I don't know what to call strong or weak anymore.  
I've been running through the darkness.  
We don't understand each other, but if we have tomorrow, it's ok._

My hands touch my face, one I've grown to despise. The coolness is so different from the flaming envy inside me. There is so much that I want that I can't have, including the person I once was. Who I truly am now is no longer something I know. Too many disguises, too many changes. A need to stop grows inside me, but it's not going to happen. I've become addicted to changing my form so I won't have to be myself.

Someone comes up from behind and strokes my hair, speaking soothing words as she tries to comfort me. I don't trust that person however and shake her off. She looks at me with violet eyes, bewildered. As she reaches for me again, I turn and run.

People are only nice so they can get what they want. I learned that a long time ago.

The only person I can depend on is myself.

_Above all, the strength of surviving is the power to everything.  
I shake off the degrees of warmth and kindness._

Is there really anything left for me in this place besides what I've caused? Out of my agony, I've struck out, many times to those who didn't deserve it. To run from it all is a tempting option.

To the skies, to a place where no one could reach me. But as I try to run, the Full Metal boy chases after me.

He wants my death, and I can sense it in his manner. Revenge on his friend is what he wants.

"Curse you," he says. "I'm going to kill you, just like you killed Hughes!"

"Murderer!" he shouts, and begins an alchemy transmutation. After all the times we faced off before, he means to kill me this time.

_Leaving comfort behind,  
I just want to fly with speed  
To a sky no one can see,  
That only two people could possibly reach._

I'm laughing. Laughing at his silly affections for the man. Laughing because he is capable of loving something mortal. Leaping over a bush, I twist in the air so I'm facing him when I land. "Little boy, he got in my way."

There's a light that glows around the two of us, and I turn. Is it the light that once lit my life? If so, I want to protect it and keep it from fading.

The Full Metal boy's metal arm has been transformed into a sword, and it strikes my gut. Pain spreads through my body, and my limbs are going limp.

_Shoot for the future that still shines this place.  
I already broke through the dream of shooting stars.  
Those days may have hurt,  
But I want to protect those shining days when we were young and carefree._

My eyes close and I feel at peace. I may be dead already, but I've been given a second chance, haven't I?

I smirk at the boy, whose features are twisted in anger. "You haven't won," I say mockingly.

He punches me, and pieces of the sacred stone fall from me. They gather in a pile at my broken feet and melt into the dirt. And all this time, I am laughing again, practically giggling at his idiocy for granting me the one thing I could not do for myself. "No, you haven't won," I snicker.

Darkness engulfs me, but it no longer matters. In this dream-like state I am about to enter, I'll keep running because there's a place I can finally escape to.

_Beyond the darkness to the place that still shines,  
I accelerate my speed in order to survive.  
I run shooting through the indescribable promise  
On the back in front of me._


End file.
